proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this will be a night to untag.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
