Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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