3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
