She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
