gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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