Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
