handjob tips. give me some.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
