it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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