I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
