a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
