This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
