Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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