i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
