Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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