someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
