He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're like the curious george of whores
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
