Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
