Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
