i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
