the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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