you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
