Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
