whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
