Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
