It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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