you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
