After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize