Don't you send me to vm
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this will be a night to untag.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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