3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
