Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
