Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I could fuck to npr.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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