I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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