i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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