Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
