Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
