Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
