She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
try to milk me bitch
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