i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
