Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
