apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
