WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dicks are not precious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize