I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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