They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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