It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
