I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
