My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
