last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
babies were throwing up all over the place
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
