Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
