ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
