guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
