please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize