yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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