just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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