I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize