i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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