I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
