i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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