yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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