I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
