i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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