She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
