dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
